walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was CRYING into my vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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