Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
