So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
