hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
