Got a toothbrush?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
