Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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