hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
