Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
