Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
