her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
