Soap is not a condiment
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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