Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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