Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
