Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Barsexuality is the new black.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
