he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
