Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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