Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
