I wish my penis had an off switch
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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