I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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