last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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