I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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