worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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