how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
