omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
