I looked at my own cervix.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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