Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
