I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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