I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize