It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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