Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
