I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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