I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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