The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
