if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
