My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
