I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't make out with my wife yet
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just googled if crying burns calories
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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