he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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