is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
