just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
