so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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