I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
