The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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