Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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