And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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