he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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