either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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