it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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