So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
