when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
