i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
