I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize