I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
