I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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