Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize