I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
