I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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