Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
