but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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